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The Press Box For Oct. 25

October 25, 2017
BY ED PARSONS - Staff Writer (eparsons@tylerstarnews.com) , Tyler Star News

Ever sit around talking sports and realize you don't, nor does the next guy know what he's talking about. The last two weeks I have been on the sideline, in the bleachers and in the press box of high school and college football games. Heard some of the best sports stories ever, some true some unbelievable, some just plain bull! Some of the statements and saying's I've heard have left me wondering whether I missed something in the class room or did they just come up with this stuff?

It's in every sport, not just football although that's where it's most often heard. I mean I could be the town drunk but I'm not the village idiot.

The Monday morning quarterbacks are the most quoted, there I go using one of the terms, "the Monday morning quarterback"? Who are they and what does it mean to be a Monday morning quarterback?

Here's what they say and some of what I've heard. "There's a quarterback controversy on the team," "They have to play ball-control offense," "They have to establish the running game," "They better stop the big play," "They need to dominate the line of scrimmage," They have to pound it out on the ground," They need to air it out more," They have to open up the passing lanes."

The list goes on, they have to take care of the football, they should just go out and execute, they have to make plays on both sides of the ball, they need to stick to the game plan, they should throw the game plan out the window, they're going to call a timeout to ice the kicker. I guess they could also be called Monday morning coaches!

If you wanted to listen to a football game on the radio or TV, here are just a few of the comments you will hear. I don't know how anyone can really tell what's happening for the remarks not related to the game.

Not only do the announcer's confuse people, their unconnected football language has caught on, and is now a part of most critics vocabulary. I was listening to a game with my great aunt the other day when an announcer said, "there he goes! all the way to the house," she had no idea what he was talking about. I explained it to her and she said, what ever happened to "83 yards all the way to the end zone."

We also heard, "that one split the uprights" she couldn't figure that out either, (how can a football split the upright) of course she didn't know they meant goal posts. Nor did she understand when he said," they're looking at third down and forever." I'm not sure I know what that meant.

I know you have to come up with some inventive ways to captivate your audience but at least be realistic. We also heard, "they've got to punch it in" and "they'll have to settle for three," "They're just feeling each other out." "Are they talking dirty," she asked.

"They can't cough it up here," they're running it right down their throat," "he's overdue to break one," "you could have driven a truck through that hole." I even heard an announcer the other day say, "they're stuck behind the eight ball," they're playing with a short field, so now they've got some room to operate."

I want to hear someone call the game in a normal way. Tell us what's happening and who is doing what. Who scored and how, let us know it was a 50 yard pass and catch or a 40 yard run for a touchdown. We want to know who made the tackle, who broke up the pass, who made the interception. Keep us informed on the score, tell us when there is a penalty.

Many people don't understand when you say, the defensive line had that play sniffed out, or the game is being won in the trenches. The hit really cleaned his clock or he put the lumber on him, he ran into a brick wall or he was really clothes-lined there. They had him covered like a blanket?

"That's a costly turnover," said the broadcaster. Duh! Let's take a look at some other sports slang. These two teams are fighting tooth and nail. We've got a real barn burner here. It's a nail biter. It's going down to the wire. They dodged the bullet there. He's having a whale of a game. This game has turned into a chess match.

One station this past week said , "that team sure has a lot of beef", wouldn't be better to say they sure have a big line? I told my wife over the weekend to go on a household blitz, she still doesn't know what I meant. You know like, hurry up we're getting company.

The one I like the best is, "time is running out, throw the hail Mary." I heard someone say that on Friday night, and later heard they're drowning in their sorrows now.

Well I guess if you want to know your sports, "You just have to get with the program." eparsons@tylerstarnews.com.

 
 
 

 

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